As time passes, life keeps slipping away from me. Days turned to weeks, weeks became months, and months changed into years.
Everything changed. Not one thing. It was me waiting for change without knowing how to create it. There was a big fire in the forest of my mind. The lake I used to sit by had a drought. I have been trying to put out the fire for months. No actually, years. I failed many times, and every failure burned me from inside out. I have a long list of things I thought would help. Some did, but not in the ways I wanted them to.
Now, I sit here. The fire is just flickering. It has been raining here for months. The sky of the forest is full of black clouds, thunderstorms, lightning, and a big wave of emotions I had been suppressing for a long time. I am supposed to be an adult now. I am already 25. I can’t be a little girl anymore. Every time I listen to this sentence, I realize how long I have been hearing it. It became a motivational quote for my mind. My mind even believes it’s a good one. Every time I am feeling down, lost, or have any kind of emotion, it starts repeating.
“You are not a little girl anymore. You shouldn’t act like it.”
What if I never got to be the little girl I always wished to be? What if life never gave me the space to just play and act out? What if I only know that I am supposed to be something but don’t know what being that something feels like? What if I don’t want to be the adult I was so desperately trying and told to be? What if I just want to be the little girl I never got to be? What if my inner child doesn’t want to feel suppressed or suffocating anymore?
What if? What if? What if?
And with these thoughts, those years felt like a moment, and the guilt of losing time left my consciousness.
I realized that it’s never too late to reconnect with my inner child and give her the space she deserves and truly needs. Letting that part of me be alive could bring healing and a sense of freedom I have been missing out on.
The forest is healing from the fire. The rain helped new seeds sprout, and they are blossoming now. The lake has fresh water, and I sit at the shore with my inner child, and we talk.
We talk about everything we were not allowed to talk about before. We play, we laugh, we make jokes, we renew our friendship, and we forgive each other every time. We get to know each other, and we learn to love each other more with every moment we spend together.
We are healing.
We are hurting.
We are growing.
We are living.
We are loving.
And we are beautiful… ❤️